Well, it’s been ages. I realise I’ve not posted a blog for a while and there’s a good reason why. I’ve been working hard on book two, working full-time in my day job, being a mum to two under 11’s and generally burning the candle at both ends.
Don’t get me wrong, no sympathy required here. This is just an honest blog about being a part-time writer…. frankly, a part-time everything.
Recently, I’ve taken to waking up at 5.30 am every morning to write before my kids get up for school. Most mornings I have to peel my eyes open and give myself a good talking too, “No, you can’t go back to sleep. You’ve got a deadline to meet.” Yep, I even argue with myself. I’m told this is perfectly normal behaviour for authors.
You see I REALLY want to get the second book of The Soul Guide series ready for its (hopefull) release in September. I know I’m cutting it fine, and at some point soon, I may well have to push that deadline back (sob) but I’d rather release an incredible book than a book that everyone will hate for its plot holes and grammar errors. Sigh.
So, cue lots of late night writing, early morning writing, writing on my lunch break. Writing, writing, writing…. Just as well I love it so much, even on the days when I want to throw my laptop out of the window.
Trouble is, when you aren’t able to write for a living, the other parts of your life tend to go by the wayside. For example, pre writing life I was a clean freak. My house was spotless, you could use my kitchen floor as a mirror it was so shiny (ok, I exaggerate but you catch my drift). I also feel guilty for being absent in terms of spending time with my other half. He is an artist (and also has a day job) so he understands better than most what I’m trying to do. But I still feel guilty about the lack of interaction. The only thing I try to maintain, because I’d feel like a shit mother if I didn’t, is to make sure I spend time with my kids daily. This is hard, at the best of times, when working full-time, let alone when you’re trying to squeeze in writing, promoting, blogging in around that too AND still ensuring that you are the best mother you can be.
The GUILT is emmense. I feel guilty when I’m working, because I’m not writing, I feel guilt when I’m writing because I’m not spending time with the ones I love. Oh, and a brand new guilt; the guilt of not getting books out quick enough for the (few) readers I have.
BUT I have to keep reminding myself that this is what I have to do right now if I want to make my books a success. If I want to have a chance at a successful future that will benefit not only me, but more importantly the ones I love. I started doing this in part for my kids, to prove you can achieve your dreams if you work hard enough. I’m continuing on this journey to prove to myself that I CAN be a successful writer.
For now I’m getting back to work (work work, not writing work). Maybe one day all the hard work will pay off. I sure as hell hope so!